The spinning stops at our yard 院子里的午后

(English text below Chinese)

有时觉得自己就是一个无法停止的陀螺。拍片、编辑图片、写稿、策划我的绿舟项目、给亲戚的孩子辅导英语、到银行等机构办各种杂事……事情总没完没了。这周做了两个采访,写了两篇稿子,还要再写一篇,必须在后天去纽约前赶出来。一边想稿子,一边想在纽约和DC的采访提纲和肖像拍摄,还想着去纽约时千万别漏带器材……我的脑瓜虽然扁圆,但它的本质是一个陀螺。我几乎能看见它在高速旋转。这时候,我就想起朋友李伊安。他曾经像陀螺那样转,但终于停下来,静下来,安详而喜悦地过每一天。他建议我到中大附近的行家茶行,因为他知道我太需要让我内心的陀螺停止旋转。

好几次,我计划去行家茶行,却总因为杂事而放弃。今天,午饭后,决定无论如何不能马上继续工作,端了咖啡和爸妈坐在院子里晒太阳。没有比冬天的太阳更温暖的东西。没什么比和父母在一起晒太阳更幸福的事情。

刚开始学会喝咖啡的八旬老父亲轻呷一口咖啡,赞叹说:“真香啊!怎么以前会不喜欢咖啡呢?!”他脸朝阳光,微微笑着。母亲还不习惯咖啡的甘苦味,喝得慢,揶揄父亲说,“你喝得太快,说明你还不懂品尝咖啡。”说完, 她不好意思地笑了。

这样安详、温暖的冬日午后,感觉比在昏暗的暖灯下喝酒、听音乐更舒服,更快乐,并让我想起了德彪西的《牧神的午后》(L’après-midi d’un faune),虽然我们家院子里爱的气氛与牧神的梦有点不搭。

可能因为我离家多年终于再回到家里,父母对我宠爱有加,好像我是他们刚出生没多久的独生女。我则因为自己年龄渐增而父母虽年迈却可爱又纯真,也像宠爱孩子一样宠爱着他们。我们就这样相互宠爱。这或许是我不愿意长呆广州的主要原因。

Sometimes I see myself spinning at a high speed. Shooting my personal projects, editing pictures, writing, preparing for my Earthship project, helping a relative learn English, running errands….And I haven’t got the time to promote my photo business. There is no end. At least I feel it that way. I already wrote two articles this week, and there is another to write. I have to finish it before my trip to New York and DC next Monday. My mind is jammed with the article yet to finish,  the photo shoots and interviews in New York and DC. At the same time, I kept warning myself not to forget any equipment, or important paper works for the trip. I simply couldn’t stop spinning…

While spinning, I think of my new friend Ian Lee, who suggests I go enjoy a pot of tea at a tea house near Zhongshan University. He knows I need a time and space to do  or think nothing. Ian used to spin like I do. Now he is practicing “nothing is everything and everything is nothing,” which has brought him peace and happiness.

Several times I planned to visit the tea house, but had to change the plan because of a photo shoot or a meeting. And I had to return home before I found some time for it.

Today,  I told myself not to return to my home office right after lunch. Instead, I made some coffee, which I enjoyed with my parents at our yard and in the sun.  Dad, who recently got hooked by coffee, said, “how come I didn’t enjoy coffee before!” He smiled as he sipped his coffee in the sun. Mom, who was yet to get used to the bitter taste of  coffee, drank slower, but teased Dad, “you drink too fast because you don’t know how to appreciate coffee.” Then she laughed, slightly embarrassed.

There is nothing warmer and more soothing than such a moment on a quiet and warm winter afternoon. It reminds me of Debussey’s L’après-midi d’un faune, although the love atmosphere at our yard is quite different than that in Faune’s dream. I felt blessed just by watching and listening to Dad and Mom, who spoil me like I was their only young child, and whom I spoil like small children.  This may be the real reason I prefer to live in Heyuan rather than Guangzhou.

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