独自拥有, a world of my own

(Englis text below Chinese.)

近黄昏,天已灰,骑车去大夫山。脚踏着车,耳听着Soledad Bravo的歌,chants du venezuela。Bravo的歌,如野性的呼喊。听着这样的音乐独自在山林穿梭,会产生一种错觉:我正穿行于委内瑞拉的山野里,嘹亮的歌声传自山谷的村庄。我再次想起一个还没实现的愿望:从北美之北开车到南美之南。黯然。继续假装我正在南美空旷的山野临风飞翔。

一个男人赤脚走在我前面,展开双臂,两手持着他的鞋子。他的心在飞,我想。

黑夜袭来,天际只剩微薄的光。荷塘的枯枝败叶隐约如画。忍不住跳下车,奔到塘边。一只野鸟惊起,飞到对岸的林里。

光完全隐去。头顶一弯峨眉月,摸黑找回家的路。两个月前的一个黑夜也曾在这山里迷路,遇到一对徒步的夫妇。那个丈夫问我,“一个女孩在这么黑的山里走,不怕吗?”我笑笑,没解释说山林的黑暗对于我就是空旷与自由。来爬山的游客终于散去,整个天地似乎属于我一人。我可以假装自己行走于遥远他方。

凌晨一点。关了灯,坐在书房听《放牛班的春天》的电影音乐。(http://mp3.sogou.com/music.so?query=les+choristes%28%B7%C5%C5%A3%B0%E0%B5%C4%B4%BA%CC%ECsoundtrack%29+%B7%C5%C5%A3%B0%E0%B5%C4%B4%BA%CC%EC) 孩子天籁般的歌声充满了无垠的谧静黑夜。天地更加广阔。我似乎看见自己被那些美丽的音符托起,飞旋在美丽的黑暗中。有一刻,我看见自己飞过那个残荷连片的池塘。那荷塘像一个内敛的美丽老妇。

凌晨三点,我带着音乐入梦,眼角含着感恩的泪花。如果世界末日真的迫在眉睫,我也知足了,死而无憾。

Toward dusk, I rode my bike to Mt. Dafu, my ears filled with Soledad Bravo’s “Chants du Venezuela.” Bravo’s songs were a call of the wild and I made believe that I was riding in the vast mountains of Venezuela and I was nearing a village where the songs were from. I remembered my dream to drive from the top of North American to the tip of South America.

A man walked bare footed in front of me, his arms wide open like the wings of a flying bird. His heart is flying, I smiled.

A withered lotus pond sat quietly in the dark, like an elegant old lady in an oil painting. A wild bird stirred, then flew to the woods on the other side of the pond.

Now it was almost pitch dark, except for the new moon. It was beautifully eerie and I was lost. Not long ago, I also got lost in the dark in the same mountain. A couple who was hiking asked, “aren’t you afraid to bike all by yourself in such darkness?” I smiled instead of explaining to them that I enjoyed the vast world of darkness, which to me means gracious freedom, which has been rare since industrialization devoured most of the earth.

At one in the morning, I turned off the light and listened to the soundtrack of “Les Choristes.”

http://mp3.sogou.com/music.so?query=les+choristes%28%B7%C5%C5%A3%B0%E0%B5%C4%B4%BA%CC%ECsoundtrack%29+%B7%C5%C5%A3%B0%E0%B5%C4%B4%BA%CC%EC)” target=”_blank”>(http://mp3.sogou.com/music.so?query=les+choristes%28%B7%C5%C5%A3%B0%E0%B5%C4%B4%BA%CC%ECsoundtrack%29+%B7%C5%C5%A3%B0%E0%B5%C4%B4%BA%CC%EC)

As the angelic songs filled the the darkness, tears filled my eyes. I could see myself flying in the dark over the pond full of withered lotus.

Even if the world is close to its end, I don’t have any regrets. I’ve had a good life. Being able to enjoy the peace in the dark mountain and being able to appreciate soulful music like “Les Choristes” is part of the good life.

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